Walking with Depression: What Spirit Taught Me About Surviving the Darkest Days

When the Fog First Fell

Somewhere in the middle of seventh grade, the light around me started to dim.

Up until then, school had been easy. I brought home straight A’s, had a couple of close friends, and felt pretty secure in my little world. But when I moved into junior high, everything changed. My grades slipped, my friendships shifted, and it felt like my mind was wrapped in a thick wall of fog.

“Depression felt like living inside a wall of fog—trying to think, feel, and move through the heaviness was exhausting.”

I was exhausted all the time, often collapsing into sleep as soon as I got home. My emotions felt unmanageable. My thoughts grew darker and darker, and each day became harder to survive.

Asking for Help

By eighth grade, I realized something deep inside: I wasn’t going to get better on my own. Summoning every ounce of courage I had, I told my parents I needed help. This was the mid-90s, when mental health was still shrouded in stigma.

My parents, doing the best they could with what they knew, told me what I was going through was “normal.”

“I knew in my bones that something was wrong. But the only people who could help me told me there was nothing wrong.”

Hopelessness sank deeper.

The First Glimpse of Light

It wasn’t until I made an attempt to end my pain that my parents finally agreed to take me to a doctor. Finding the right medication took months of trial and error, but eventually I began to feel the fog lift.

Part of my treatment required check-ins with a psychiatrist, but instead of offering support, he brushed me off with the same line every time: “As long as your dog loves you, everything will be alright.”

Even at that young age, I understood his intent, but I also knew he wasn’t truly listening.

Spirit’s Quiet Lesson

Through my teenage years, depression ebbed and flowed in cycles. Sometimes I felt well, and then the darkness would return. Along the way, I learned that depression ran deep in my family.

“Spirit was quietly teaching me: pain can deepen empathy.”

Because I knew the weight of despair, I could recognize it in others and sit with them in compassion. And by advocating for my own treatment, I believe I also gave my parents permission to seek help for themselves.

Finding Stability

It wasn’t until my junior year of high school that I experienced a lasting sense of stability. Still, depression would revisit me periodically into my 30s. The difference was that by then, I had the awareness to seek help before it became unmanageable.

A Message for You

If you’re reading this from inside your own fog, please know you are not alone.

“Depression may convince you that the light is gone, but the light is still there—even when you cannot see it.”

Today there are more resources and treatments than ever before. If you recognize these symptoms in yourself, I encourage you to reach out to your doctor. Help exists. Healing is possible.

And if you are having suicidal thoughts, please—call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. You can also connect with them online at 988lifeline.org. Someone will be there to listen.

The world is brighter because you are here.